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Current time:0:00Total duration:21:02

Writing: Argument — How-to example

Video transcript

preaching to the choir the health benefits of singing this is gonna be interesting I like to sing alright so in 2013 and just as a reminder when they put these numbers and brackets here their numbering the sentences in this paragraph that's different than when they put the numbers in these gray boxes that's when they're gonna refer to actual questions and in general when they start putting they don't do these for all of the sentences in these passages but when they do do these they'd tend to do them for the sentences in a paragraph and they'll probably ask us some question about whether a sentence isn't appropriate in a certain place or should have been moved around somehow so let's put ourselves in that frame of mind especially for this first paragraph that ends with this kind of question one so question one is probably going to refer to the sentence structure or order in this paragraph so let's let's read it in two thousand thirteen thirty-two point five million adults in United States roughly ten percent of the population sang in choirs and England is home to more than three thousand active choral groups all right a lot of people in the United States and England sing in choirs Choir singing is a popular pastime well they've already established it quiet I mean this data right here is kind of telling us that choir singing is a popular pastime I almost feel like this sentence maybe should go before that you know if you said choir singing is a popular pastime and then you give the evidence in 2013 thirty two point five million adults the United States roughly ten percent of population sang in choirs and England is home to more than three thousand active choral groups makes sense to me that sentence too should actually go first these singers often report an increased sense of well-being in camaraderie but does this but does this hobby actually result in better health according to multiple scientific studies singing especially with others provides concrete benefits to the heart and brain which I happen to believe as well so let's see I'm guessing not even looking I'm not I'm avoiding looking at this just yet but they're gonna ask us about sentence sentence two because it feels like it has to go first to make the paragraph most logical sentence to I was right and I'm serious I I didn't look at this beforehand so I like to do this real time so that like I can empathize sentence two should be placed at the beginning of the paragraph for sure that establishes that choir singing is a popular pastime then they give evidence that it's a popular pastime and then you know here we're talking about the number of singers and then they reference these singers so it makes sense that two goes first then one then three on to the second paragraph and the second question a 2013 study at Sweden's University of Gothenburg examined the heart rates of 18 young people as they sang and hummed for unison alright for just sounds strange you don't do things for you to sin you do things in unison and so let's see question 2 well that's going to be in unison and that's just just a standard convention if you're talking about doing something you won't say for unison or on unison or at unison you say hey we're going to do this in unison so that for sure is going to be going to be in let's actually keep going I think we can do question 3 in this video - heart rate variability HRV the increase in decrease in heart rate occurred simultaneously with subjects slowed breathing while singing this combination of fluctuating heart rate and slowed breathing are called respiratory sinus arrhythmia and has been proven to reduce the likelihood of cardiovascular disease a prior finding independent of the 2013 study alright so this first this R is off because they're talking about what's the subject of the sentence it's this combination of fluctuating heart rate and slowed breathing they're talking about what what this combination is is about but the subject is this combination and that's singular we're talk about this combination there's what a combination here and so if it's singular we if we say this combination our respiratory sinus arrhythmia no you'd say this combination is called respiratory sinus arrhythmia so this is going to be is right over here so is called because it's so it's a singular this combination is called respiratory sinus arrhythmia and it has been proven to reduce the likelihood of cardiovascular disease a prior finding independent of the 2013 study so the way it's written right now is really with you know there's no pause here you know I like to just kind of pause after it has been proven to reduce the likelihood of cardiovascular disease and then maybe adding some context a prior finding independent of the 2013 study so let's see let's see what they have here so no change no I don't like that this one a prior finding independent of the 2013 study that might be fine it's a parenthetical it's giving us a little bit of extra information but we don't need it so I like that putting a semicolon there a prior finding independent of the 2013 study you're adding another kind of clause there it feels like it's just hanging at the end I don't I wouldn't do that and then and then a prior finding independent of the 2013 study with a colon Col and I view that as kind of giving more clarification or enumeration and this is kind of giving more clarification but I definitely like the the parentheses right over here because it's making it clear that that that this last part that that that it has been proven to reduce the likelihood of cardova cardiovascular disease and they're just giving us an apparent that achill a prior finding independent of the third 2013 study we're now on question five people feel a keen sense of bonding when they sing together alright so that sentence seems like it's grammatically correct let's see what the question says which choice most effectively establishes the main topic of the paragraph okay I see they either want us to say okay we could have no change and say this sentence is what we would keep as our topic sentence or maybe we would replace it with one of these other options well to to figure out how we could establish the main topic of the paragraph I guess we're gonna have to read the paragraph so I would actually probably come back to question five after reading after going all the way through question nine so let's see if we can do that in this video singing stimulates the right temporal lobe of the brain and releases endorphins endorphins blunt pain and engender feeling of pleasure so this right over here so for number six to just kind of do a period and then do another sentence it's not grammatically incorrect I mean it's fine to say that singing stimulates the right temporal lobe of the brain releases endorphins that's a sentence and then to say endorphins blood pain and engender feelings of pleasure but these two sentences are very connected in fact this the second sentence right over here is giving us clarity on what endorphins are so I would I would think about I would think about kind of connecting them a little bit better so let's see what what the choices are what the choices are here so the first one is well they actually didn't put no change here so we they definitely want us to change it I guess the way this is this this the way this is written written so the first choice is singing stimulates the right temporal lobe of the brain and releases endorphins which end up blunting and engender feelings of pleasure no that's not right I mean just even look you saying end up blunting and engender those those two verbs aren't even in the in the in the same in the same tense blunting blunting yeah this is you know blunting and engender no it's not it's it's breaking your parallel construction so to speak endorphins which blunt let's see singing simply stimulates the right temporal lobe of the brain releases endorphins which blunt which blunt pain and engender feelings of pleasure yeah that one could work and it connects them better let's see see endorphins but they blunt no you don't want to contradict it we're just explaining with what endorphins do and this list last choice endorphins and they blunt no I think this is very clear when you say which blunt you're clarifying what endorphins do so I like be there all right let's keep going so now we can go to question seven so cortisol a hormonal reaction to stress and the secretion of which the brain controls decreases after choir singing all right so cortisol is a stress hormone and it decreases after choir singing meanwhile oxytocin which the brain interprets as a feel emotional bonding is increased so these are all describing ways that makes people feel better and I want to read this entire paragraph because I at the end I want to go back to question five and think about the topic sentence so all of these good things are happening and a study at Oxford Brookes University researchers surveyed 375 people who either sang alone sang in a choir or participated in organized sports those who sang in choir reported the highest levels of happy so everything we're talking about is wow this choir singing really can make people happier so and they're kind of citing even you know chemical you know the sign we can point to chemical things happening in the brain that are actually associated with more happiness and less stress due to its positive side effects therapists have used choir singing as an element for those dealing with depression and chronic pain so I kind of like the due to its positive side effects because that is the one reason why therapists would use it but let's just look at the let's look at the other choice the other choices so I like do - I'm gonna des my default so despite its positive side effects therapists have used choir singing no I mean they're using it because of the side positive side effects due to the positive side effects this isn't a contradiction to the fact that has positive side effects it's not you know if it was despite the fact that it's bad for people therapists are using it that would that would you know that would why that would be a reason to use the word despite but no that doesn't make sense in addition to its positive side effects therapists have used choir singing as an element for those dealing with depression and chronic pain well it's not an addition it's it's saying it's giving the causality because it due to its positive side effects this is why therapists are thinking about using it as a way to deal with depression chronic pain and then besides once again it's not a besides the therapists have used choir singing that's because due to the positive side effects it isn't on top of or you know another thing that's seemingly unrelated so I definitely would go with no change now let's go to a question eight and once again this I'm using a prototype version where it says six out of five seven out of five obviously should not be out of five because there's more than five questions here let's go to question eight so due to its positive side effects therapists have used choir singing as an element for those dealing with depression and chronic pain an element feels a little weird an element of what let's see what the other what the what the other options are an accessory for those dealing with depression and chronic pain an accessory I imagine more of a bit of a you know it wouldn't be a process like or choir singing it wouldn't be an activity I wouldn't call it an activity an accessory a or a piece I mean well yeah accessory doesn't feel doesn't feel right there let's see choir singing as a supplement for those dealing with depression and chronic pain a supplement could be good because you know you wouldn't make this the primary treatment if someone has severe depression or chronic pain you wouldn't say hey why don't you go go start in a quiet go start singing in a choir there's other things that the therapist would probably do to to help alleviate or deal with the depression and chronic pain but it would be a supplement above and beyond above and beyond what kind of the more traditional methods might be this could be something to do on top of that now in addendum and addendum once again this is like something that you add on to other things and so it kind of is like a supplement but you know I view an addendum to kind of a presentation at a quarter or or to a to a kind of a position paper or something something I add on to the back of something like that like a proposal I don't I don't I wouldn't use that word if I'm talking about you know kind of treatment or dealing with with with something and that's kind of how I feel about accessory accessory is something that kind of adds on but I think of an accessory is more of like a watch or a purse or something not as much as a an element to kind of go above and beyond the existing treatment I like I like the word supplement here but let's keep going a study from an arts and Health Research Center in Canterbury England followed a study from an arts and Health Research Center in Canterbury England followed the progress of patients diagnosed with depression for a year after they joined a choir 60% of patients reported improved mental health at the end of the and some were no longer experiencing suffering from clinical depression so experiencing suffering and that sounds weird you you I would say we're no longer suffering from clinical depression maybe or no longer experiencing symptoms of clinical depression but i wouldnt have experiencing and suffering there i would get rid of one of them let's see what what our options are were so and some were no longer reporting that they were suffering from clinical depression i mean that reads well they and some were no longer reporting that they were suffering from clinical depression but it still feels a little bit heavy you know reporting that they were suffering is that necessarily you could just say some are no longer suffering let's see this next one and some were no longer suffering from clinical depression by the end of the year well this one was tempting but we already said at that at the end of the year at the end of that year and then to say by the end of that year again 60% of patients reported mental health at the end of that year and some were no longer suffering kalitta clinical depression by the end of that year you're saying by the end of that year twice that seemed that's redundant if it just said suffering from clinical depression i actually wouldn't mind this choice let's see I hope D works out well 60% of patients reported improved mental health at the end of that year and some were no longer clinically depressed yeah that feels good nice and clean gets the point across alright so we've answered through nine but we've got to remember we skipped five because five is about well what's what's a good topic sentence for that entire for that entire paragraph so everything they talked about up here they're just talking about hey look it makes people feel feelings of pleasure and do they even see it in the endorphins you feel less stressed the stress hormone gets decreases you feel feeling of emotional bonding goes up and you know then to give even more evidence they say the researchers have even used it to to help alleviate to deal with the depression and chronic pain so let's see these choices singing in a choir can help prevent depression well that's second half of the paragraph does talk about that but that's not the whole paragraph the whole paragraph isn't just about depression that they are using depression as an example of how singing in a choir can make you feel better so I wouldn't say that this is a topic if this was the topic sentence I don't know whether I would go as heavily on all of this other stuff here I'd probably just start right over here let's see the brain tends to respond favorably to group singing yeah I think I think this is good the brain tends to respond favorably to group singing this is that's let's see how that reads the brain tends to respond favorably to group singing singing stimulates the right temporal lobe of the brain releases endorphins yeah we go straight into talking about the brain and dwarf UNS brunt plane and engender blunt pain and engender feelings of pleasure so we're talking about all these ways at the brain react and even when we're talking about depression we're talking about how it helps the brain a deal with these things so yeah I like I like choice see there so yeah we've done all the way through question nine so in the next video we can do the last few questions so we're now on question ten and question ten they just have a a box here without any of the underlined so they're not gonna ask us to actually change something they're probably gonna ask us something more generally about the paragraph and so let's see what they ask us at this point and so they are asking us something more general about the paragraph at this point the writer is considering adding the following sentence so this would be a sentence that go right at the beginning of this paragraph scientists do not yet know all the benefits of singing but the communal process that singing in a choir provides has many positive side effects should the writer make this addition here so let me finish reading this paragraph but it doesn't seem an unreasonable thing this is what the you know this is the concluding paragraph you kind of want to tie everything together and so this is really what the what the passage is about scientists do not yet know all the benefits of singing but the communal process that singing in a choir provides has many positive side effects the second part the communal process that singing in a choir provides has many positive side effects seems to be what the passage is about but let's see how they close out the paragraph so if we if we went with this so it has many positive side effects from the changes in heartbeat in breathing that results in a healthier heart to the reduction of cortisol and the production of endorphins that lower stress and increase happiness so it is it does look like it's listing the many positive side effects so I'm feeling pretty good about this and then well this is this is actually over here is it isn't a complete sentence they're saying from the changes in heartbeat and breathing that result in a healthier heart to the reduction of cortisol and production of endorphins that lower stress and increase happiness and then we go into question eleven there should be a comma here to kind of complete this we're saying from this to that to this and then we need to make our statement so which should be a comma choir singing fulfills humans by letting them create art while being part of a group so let's good let's just go straight to a question eleven put that comma in there yeah luckily there's a choice that has a choir that has a comma here because it's really just completing you know we're starting and we're saying from this to that to that now let's make our statement comma let's make our statement you need a yeah you need a complete this is just the from part right over here this is not a complete sentence so with that out of the way that we want to put a comma here and not start a new sentence let's go back to question ten so let's see so the choices are yes we could put this first thing because it reinforces the primary claim of the passage yeah it doesn't seem crazy let's just read that again scientists do not let's start with this scientists do not yet know all the benefits of singing but the communal process that singing in a choir provides has many positive side effects from the heart changes and from the changes in heartbeat and breathing that results in a healthier heart to the reduction of cortisol and production of endorphins that lower stress and increase happiness comma lowercase e choir singing fulfills humans by letting them create art while being part of a group yeah this second this whole what everything right here is actually gonna be one sentence because we're gonna put the comma here and so to start with this and we don't know all the benefits but it has many positive side effects and then we list them all here and then we say choir fulfills humans by letting them create art well being part of a group yeah I like this see yes because it offers additional information that supports the claim of the passage now this doesn't give us any new information it's just tying things together so I wouldn't pick B no because it provides information unrelated to the passage first of all it is related to the passage but it's not providing new information so choice II is definitely not the case no because it distracts from the focus of the previous paragraph no if anything it it's kind of it's a nice tie-in from the previous paragraph because the previous paragraphs were saying hey all of these Clues we have about the different ways choir singing it might help the brain and but you know these are just clues we don't know exactly how the brain works we don't know exactly the mechanism that by which choir singing makes our brain do all of these positive things so it's nice that they said that we don't know all of the all of the answers yet but and then at recent but it does have many positive side effects and then we list those side effects that we kind of close it all up together yeah so I feel good about a four question ten and then B four for eleven where we definitely don't want don't want to this thing right over here wasn't a complete sentence and once again I'm using a prototype version of this so this is a little bit of a bug you should say question 11 out of 11 anyway you get the point