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Current time:0:00Total duration:1:54

Writing: Modifier placement — Harder example

Writing: Grammar

Video transcript

having become the first person to complete the 1500 meter freestyle swim at age 100 a smile was worn by me Eiko Nagaoka so the way it's written right now it makes it seem like a smile a smile was the first person to complete the 1500 meter freestyle swim at age 100 which which doesn't make much sense and let's just think about what's going on here when you read this when someone is reading when someone's reading I'll do this in a different color when someone is reading this part where I'm gonna underline and read having become the first person to complete the 1500 meter freestyle swim at age 100 and then there's a comma your brain is expecting that the first thing you read is what was being described the first person to complete the 1500 meter freestyle swim but then you see a smile so it looks like they're talking that the smile was the first person to complete the 1500 meter freestyle swim but we of course know that there we're not talking about a smile we're talking about me Aiko Naga oka so this second part right over here I wanted to start with me Aiko me Aiko Naga oka was wearing a smile maybe so I definitely want to change it I definitely definitely want to change it so let's see having become the first person to do all this stuff happiness was evident well no now it seems like happiness was the first person to complete the 1500 meter freestyle swim so I don't like that choice having become the first person to do all this stuff me Aiko Nagaoka wore a smile yep that net that feels good because the first thing you see that was what was intended to be the first person to complete the 15-hundred meter freestyle swim at age 100 so I'm liking this one and this last choice it just can you know still lace it still has a smile of it the way it's written it makes it seem like a smile was the first person to complete the 1500 meter freestyle swim so I don't like this one either so I feel very good about this choice