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Current time:0:00Total duration:1:54

Writing: Modifier placement — Harder example

Writing: Grammar

Video transcript

- [Instructor] Having become the first person to complete the 1500-meter freestyle swim at age 100, a smile was worn by Mieko Nagaoka. So the way it's written right now, it makes it seem like a smile, a smile was the first person to complete the 1500-meter freestyle swim at age 100, which doesn't make much sense. Let's just think about what's going on here. When you read this, when someone is reading, when someone's reading, I'll do this in a different color, when someone is reading this part, I'll underline in red, having become the first person to complete the 1500-meter freestyle swim at age 100, and then there's a comma, your brain is expecting that the first thing you read is what was being described, the first person to complete the 1500-meter freestyle swim. But then you see a smile, so it looks like they're talking that the smile was the first person to complete the 1500-meter freestyle swim, but we, of course, know that they were not talking about a smile, we're talking about Mieko Nagaoka. So this second part right over here, I want it to start with Mieko Nagaoka was wearing a smile, maybe. So I definitely wanna change it. I definitely wanna change it. So let's see, having become the first person to do all this stuff, happiness was evident. Well, no, now it seems like happiness was the first person to complete the 1500-meter freestyle swim, so I don't like that choice. Having become the first person to do all this stuff, Mieko Nagaoka wore a smile. Yup, that feels good 'cause the first thing you see, that was what was intended to be the first person to complete the 1500-meter freestyle swim at age 100. So I'm liking this one. And then this last choice, it still has a smile, the way it's written it makes it seem like a smile was the first person to complete the 1500-meter freestyle swim, so I don't like this one either. So I feel very good about this choice.