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Student story: Admissions essay about a formative experience

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shreyas kudari
Posted 6 years ago. Direct link to shreyas kudari's post “I've read few essays on t...”
I've read few essays on this topic and I feel somewhat uncomfortable with what I've written after looking at these. I believe that what I've written did help me become the person I am today. I've also vividly described about my personality before the experience. Yet, my essay focuses more on the effect of that experience and how it changed me from what I was before.
Am I going wrong somewhere?
I highly appreciate any form of help here.
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(3 votes)
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Mayleen Adams
Posted 3 years ago. Direct link to Mayleen Adams's post “Do you think an adult age...”
Do you think an adult age 59 would have to write college essay as the teens do?.
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(1 vote)
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Video transcript

- I wrote about our family trip to visit Cambodia, where my parents are from. I talked about visiting the landfill there. At that landfill, there were dozens of families scattered all over the landfill scavenging for pickings and stuff like that so I talked about that. I talked about how it made me realize my parents sacrificed a lot. It made me realize what it's like in Cambodia and how fortunate I am to be in the position I am where I can go to college. I talked about how they helped me and they inspired me and they gave me all these opportunities. I talked about what I do at college and how I wanted to make the most of what I was given because it was a gift for me to be able to grow up in America and go to college. I decided, "You know what? "I'm gonna write about what I feel is true and what I feel the most strongly about." That was it and I guess the colleges liked me because I got every one of them, every one that I had to submit an essay to accepted me for it.